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Subtlety and Flexibility of Vietnamese personal addressing

Addressing amongst Vietnamese varies from context to context and is dictated by some cultural aspects in behavior. A lack of understanding of these cultural aspects might mean the failure to understand how Vietnamese address each other.
Vietnamese addressing is dictated first by kinship and social relationship.
In a Vietnamese family, each member has a particular rank or position in relation to another one. The same person can address him/herself as ông/bà, or cha/mẹ, or chú/o, or anh/chị/em. The proper address is determined upon a person’s family rank, and therefore, the most common terms of address are kinship terms. For instance, my father addresses himself as con to my grandparents, as ba to me, and as anh to my uncle (chú) ; and to my mother, as also ba or anh. The following speech of a Vietnamese woman contains nearly all terms of address in a Vietnamese family, implying the influence of family rank over addressing among family members.
Lẹ lẹ lên nào. Coi chừng trễ chuyến bay bây giờ (0). Nội, nội đưa cái dù cho cháu cầm cho (1); còn ba đưa cái xách cho con (2). Còn anh nữa, anh cứ ra xe trước đi để em khoá cửa cho (3). À này..., mấy đứa xem giùm mấy cái cửa sổ phía sau mẹ đã khoá kỹ chưa? (4) Lẹ đi. Trời ơi!
(Source: ttp://www.tienve.org/home/literature/viewLiterature.do?action=viewArtwork&artworkId=2087)
To all members: Quick, quick! We’re getting late for the flight. (0)
To her grandfather or mother: Grandpa/ma, grandpa/ma give granddaughter the umbrella [and I will keep for you] (1);
To her father: And dad hand over the bag to daughter (2).
To her husband: Elder brother, elder brother go to the car and let younger sister lock the door (3).
To her children: Ah, guys look if the windows in the back were locked properly by mum. Quick, my God.
Hurry up! We’re getting late for the flight. Grandpa, let me keep the the umbrella for you; and dad, hand over the bag to me. Honey, get to the car, I’ll lock the door. Ah, my dear children, look if I have locked properly the windows at the back. Hurry up, my God.
This first factor that determines terms of address, namely one’s rank or position in the family, is more important than age. If a member is younger than one by age, but by family rank he is the younger brother of one’s father, one has to address him as chú. I have a cậu by kinship who is two years younger than me, and has to address him as cậu.
Cậu chơi bài với cháu không?
Uncle play cards with nephew?
Uncle, let’s play cards.
I have also many cousins that are older than me but address me as anh (older brother). This is because my father is the second-eldest son in the family, and his younger brothers and sisters got married and bore my cousins before my father wedded my mother. By family rank, I am considered the senior, the older brother.
The kinship relationship is pervasive over the social relationship, thus, in addressing, it is advisory to assess the family rank before the social rank. It is taken for sure that the president of Vietnam (if he is a well-conducted man and if he has an elder brother) addresses his elder brother as anh in informal occasions although in formal occasions, he would be hallowed as His Majesty, His Excellency, My Lord by his older brother who is only a teacher at a high school.
In social contact, Vietnamese terms of address are accounted on social rank and age, in such a way that social rank and age are respected. One can be a master (thầy) or a mandarin or a student or a servant. Similar to those in family addressing, social terms of address betrays a person’s profession, social rank or status. Vietnamese pupils and students to greet those that teach them or those that are recognized to be in a teaching profession say,
“Em chào cô” or “Con chào thầy”,
“Younger brother/sister greets [female] teacher” or “Child greets [male] teacher”.
“Good morning/afternoon/etc., teacher”
In return, the teacher often replies,
“Trò đi đâu đấy?”
“Pupil/Student go where?”
“Good morning/afternoon/etc. boy”
At primary school, a young boy is often heard to address himself as bạn (friend) and use the same term to address his close friends.
“Tâm, chiều bạn ni tới làm bài với bạn hấy.”
“Tâm, this afternoon, friend come do homework with friend.”
“Tâm, this afternoon come and do homework with me.”
In circumstances where people in contact are found equal in social rank, or of unknown rank, age is taken into account and kinship terms of address are used to in a social contact. For instance, a young boy greets an old strange man at his grandfather’s age as ông, another at his father’s age as chú, bác or even ba (father), one young girl at his elder sister’s age as chị, or as em if the girl is at his younger sister’s age. By addressing non-kinshiped people with kinship terms such as ông, chú, bác, ba, anh or em, Vietnamese people regard society as an extended family in which everybody is one’s grandfather, father, brother or sister.
To illustrate this, one close friend of my father on visit to my home greets my grandmother saying
“Con chào mẹ,”
“Son greets mum.”
“Good morning/afternoon/etc., my dear lady.”
to which my grandmother replies
“Con đó hả Luận?”.
“Is that my son, Luận?”
“Good morning/afternoon/etc. Luận?”
That man and my father, in the old days while living in the seminar, addressed each other simply and casually with mi - tau . Now the man is endowed priest, and in his conversation with my father, I often hear my father addresses his priest friend as cha and himself as con. In Vietnamese context it is natural and respectful that my father esteems his friend’s social status.
Addressing contains passion and respect.
On hearing how a person addresses or is addressed, Vietnamese people can tell the degree of loving-kindness or hatred, respect or disrespect, politeness or rudeness, formality or casualty among the people in contact. Different terms of address are used to address one same person, depending on whether loving-kindness or anger is pervading the relationship. This is most easily recognized between a man and his wife. When they are making love, they have honey terms of address for each other: anh - em, when they are at discontent, they use the term tôi to create an emotional distance between them and to show their pride. And in rage, losing control and patience, they might hurt each other with the rude pair mi- tao . Is it correct that English people would use the same You and I in either love-making or heart-breaking situation?
In my early years, on hearing me and my younger brother addressing each other unrespectably with mi - tau, or my younger brother addressing me solely by name, my mother would teach us the proper way of addressing between brothers: anh - em, saying that “brothers should not behave like dog and cat.”
Not to address a senior person by his name, although it is his official name, is one way of expressing respect and esteem to him. This custom is called “kỵ húy”, which literally means the death anniversary of a person. The custom was originated from the fact that one should not call the name of a person that has passed away. In the old days, when the custom “Nhập gia vấn húy” was still prevailing, names of members in family should not be heard over friends’ talk. At the beginning of the 20th century, there was a lady in the royal family whose name was Hoa. Dictated by the custom, lay people could not name their children after Hoa; and in everyday speech, those words with the same pronunciation as Hoa were to be pronounced differently. To call the name of a royal lady was considered an offense to the royal family. That’s why in the Old Capital of Hue there were times when there were many women whose name was Huê instead of Hoa; and the United States of America was officially referred to as Huê Kỳ instead of the present-day Hoa Kỳ. Official name of a person is the main name besides his/her nick names, yet it is culturally intolerable to mention it; and when people swear or hurt a person’s esteem they call out name of the person’s senior generation, like that of the father, mother, grandfather or grandmother. The more senior the generation, the more acute and obscene the swearing.
Addressing, despite being reliant on rank and role, should be case-specifically flexible to meet the need of suitability and respect. There are people that are equal to one’s grandfather in rank, or even age, but addressing him as chú is more friendly and acceptable. In one occasion during my first year at the university, I asked a 30-year single lecturer for use of the photocopier very respectfully and sweetly like this:
“Cô ơi, cho con dùng máy photo một chút.”
“[Female] teacher, let son use the photocopier for one moment.”
“Teacher, could I have the favor to use this photocopier?”
Right at once came laughter from other people in the room, reprimanding me for not using the right term of address. One senior teacher said to me, “You know how young Ms Anh is. Address her as chị and you as em.” The improper term in this case is con, since I was addressing myself as child to her, the 30-year woman would become a very old teacher.
One remarkable point is that Vietnamese way of addressing inclines to communicate respect and politeness. This is evident on conversation between a senior and a junior person, where the former addresses the latter with a respectful term, and himself with a modest one. Very commonly, many people resume the rank of their children in verbal communication. The wife of my father’s elder brother by rank is senior to my father and has the right to call my father’s name in conversation, or to address my father as em and herself as chị, yet this kind and mindful lady refers to my father as chú , just the way her children address my father.
Husbands and wives often resume the role of their children to communicate with their marital partner. Following is a conversation between a woman and her husband.
“Bố ơi, chiều nay bố có đi Đà Nẵng không?” (1)
“Có. Mẹ có cần gì không?” (2)
“Ờ, bố mua cho mẹ thùng xoài nghe.” (3)
“Xoài gì mà xoài. Mới ăn tuần trước mà. Ăn xoài nhiều nóng lắm, đâu có bổ béo gì...” (4)
“Trời ơi, nóng với niếc gì, bố mày sao nhiều chuyện quá. Mùa này xoài đang rẻ, cứ cho con ăn cho đã. Hết mùa thì tụi nó lại nhịn.” (5)
“Mẹ mày cứ hay chiều con...” (6)

“Dad, this afternoon dad will or will not go to Da Nang?” (1)
“Will go. Mum need anything?” (2)
“Yes, dad buy for mum one box of mango.” (3)
“Mango again! Just last week we ate mango. Eating lost of mango is hot, not nutritional at all.” (4)
“My dear, hot or not hot, your father is making simple things serious. In this season, mango is cheap, let the children eat. When the season is over, they would stay without [mango].” (5)
“Your mum is letting the children have their own way.” (6)

“My dear, will you go to Da Nang this afternoon?”
“I do. Do you need anything?”
“Yes, could you buy a box of mango?”
“Mango again! Just last week we ate mango. Too much mango is not healthy. “
“My dear, better or worse, you’re making simple things complicated. In this season, mango is cheap, let the children eat. When the season is over, they would stay without [mango].”
“You are spoiling the children.”

The inclination of modesty in contact manifests very naturally yet without much notice in one Vietnamese term of address for first singular person. The term is tôi (or tớ in northern areas), which means servant.
Instead of a conclusion.
Vietnamese addressing is numerous, dictated by family rank, social position or age of the persons involved in a given communication. It is advisory to assess the status, age, and profession of a person to use the acceptable and proper terms of address.
Vietnamese addressing is conditioned by rank-related factors, either family rank or social rank, as a consequence, the Vietnamese language possess no terms of address that are relationship-neutral. This poses one more trouble, along the numerous troubles that arise out of cultural differences, for translators when translating an English message into Vietnamese. Any effort to interpret English rank/relationship¬¬-free personal pronouns into Vietnamese rank/relationship-conditioned terms of address should be made with a serious attitude. For choice of proper Vietnamese terms, the serious and respectful translator would investigate into the relationship, social status and even temperament of people involved in a communication.
Rank- or relationship-conditioned in its nature, and its role as a so-called term of address deriving from words that indicate family rank (ông, cha, chú) or social role or status (teacher, professor, PhD, president etc.) the same term of reference, as can be seen from various examples provided, can be used to refer to the first, second or third person in a conversation. Hence, it can be positively confirmed that Vietnamese terms of address are not personal pronouns at all, and therefore, not to be grouped into any grammatical person type like personal pronouns in the English language. In other words, personal pronouns do not exist in Vietnamese language, irrespective of the numerous terms that are used daily. When in a communication to second person, a person wants to use rank/status-free terms, simply just for the sake of being equal to the other in rights, personality and dignity, and leaving beside recognized status or known title of the two parties, it is impossible for him to find one pair of term that is free from emotion, rank or status. Either he would appear disrespectful if he attempts to denounce the status-dictated relationship, or he would fall back into the poor situation of a lamb-hearted junior communicating to a well-seated senior. Is it correct to say that to be too rich is to be too poor for something essential?

Annex. List of common terms used in Vietnamese addressing
(Source, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vietnamese_language, with some modification or adaptation).

• Ông: grandfather, used as a term of respect for a man senior to the speaker and who is equal to one’s grandfather in age.
• Ông nội, or shortly Nội: paternal grandfather
• Ông ngoại, or shortly Ngoại: maternal grandfather
• Bà: grandmother, used as a term of respect for a (usually married) woman senior to the speaker and who is equal to one’s grandmother in age.
• Bà nội, or shortly Nội: paternal grandmother
• Bà ngoại, or shortly Ngoại: maternal grandmother
• Bác: parent's older brother, used to address a man/woman slightly older than one's parents or husband of father's older sister.
• Chú: father's younger brother, used to address a man slightly younger than one's father or husband of father's younger sister.
• Cậu: mother's younger/older brother, used to address a man younger than one’s father
• Dì: mother's sister, used to address a younger woman or a woman as old as one's mother; also used to address one's step-mother
• Thím: wife of father's younger brother.
• Mợ: wife of mother's younger brother.
• Dượng: husband of mother's sister; also used to address one's step-father
• Anh: older brother, for a slightly older man than oneself, or for the man in a romantic relationship.
• Chị: older sister, for a slightly older woman.
• Em: younger sibling, for a slightly younger person than oneself, or for the woman in a romantic relationship.
• Bố/Ba/Cha: father, also used to address father of one’s close friend.
• Mẹ/Má/Mợ: mother, also used to address mother of one’s close friend
• Con: child; also used in some regions to address a person as old as one's child
• Cháu: nephew/niece, grandson/granddaughter; used to address a young person of around such relative age
• Thầy: male teacher, used to address those men that teach one or those men that are of teaching career. Used to address fortune teller, physician of Oriental medicine, Buddhist monks or Catholic trainee priests, and some other professions. Also, father in northern areas.
• Cô: female teacher, used to address those women that teach one or those women that are of teaching career. Also, in other areas than Huế, father's younger sister, used to address a younger woman or a woman as old as one's father.
• Bạn: friend,
• Tiến sĩ: doctor, PhD; used to address those that achieved a PhD or doctoral degree.
• Bác sĩ: medical doctor, physician; used to address those that are medical doctors.
• Giáo sư: professor; used to address those that are professors at university or very learned, like scholars.

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